The Edge of Forever
by Anastasia-Beaverhausen
Summary: Des is having nightmares about sheelagh getting shot, but what do they mean?
1. Chapter 1

A gunshot rang out, cutting through the blackness like a knife. There was a bloodcurdling thud as a body hit the tarmac of the empty car park, followed by the frantic footsteps as the perpetrator fled the scene, his heavy and erratic breathing would make him the obvious suspect to even the most oblivious bystander.

"SHEELAGH!" Shouted the shaky voice of Des Taviner, absolutely terrified for what he was going to find as he rounded the corner.

The ambience of the streetlights outside highlighted the silhouette of a motionless form. Des ran, as fast as he could but he felt as thought he was running through treacle, he couldn't get there quick enough.

"SHEELAGH!" He yelled again, cold sweat pouring from his brow, he sat there in the silence of his bedroom

"It was just a dream, IT WAS JUST ANOTHER BLOODY DREAM!"

The night had brought little but torment to Des of late, it was the same dream, night after night but he was never certain he wasn't awake. Every time he'd been paired with Sheelagh he'd done his best to keep her away from car parks at night. Sheelagh was obviously suspicious, Des's behaviour was even more inexplicable than normal, he'd been acting strangely for weeks now. Out of concern, above everything else, Sheelagh had done her best to keep Des working with her, just so she could keep an eye on him and perhaps even get to the bottom of his reluctance for accepting some shouts.

As Sheelagh read out the days pairings, Des sat in silence, his usual sarcastic comments were notably absent. Everyone else just assumed he was in one of his moods, but Sheelagh knew there was something bothering him, she was determined to find out what it was but Des was hardly renowned for rationally discussing his feelings.

"Come on Des" She said quietly after everyone else had gone, feeling like she was trespassing into his thoughts but knowing she couldn't wait forever.

Des looked up at her, his lack of sleep was evident, before she knew it she found herself asking what was bothering him.

"Are you alright, Des?"

"What? Yes, I'm fine sarge. Why?"

"You just don't seem like yourself lately, that's all"

Des said nothing and they walked to the area car in silence. It appeared to be the order of the day, Des hardly spoke, when he did it was monosyllabic and reluctant. Sheelagh tried to make conversation but it was all in vain.

The evening was closing in, as it always seemed to do so soon in winter, it wasn't long before the streets were only illuminated by the streetlights and shops, the bitterly cold weather seemed to deter pedestrians and Christmas shoppers out hunting for last minute bargains.

"So what do you have planned for Christmas?" Sheelagh asked after a long silence

"Dunno, go down the pub I s'pose" He muttered quietly

"Don't you spend it with your family?" She asked, eyeing him curiously

"No, they're all in Liverpool" He said, looking at her for a moment

Sheelagh began to wonder if that was his problem, but somehow it didn't seem to fit. She couldn't help wanting to invite him round for Christmas dinner but she knew he would decline and she had her family coming over from Ireland anyway, so it wasn't like she was short of work that day. She wanted to ask him why he didn't drive up to see his family for the day, but she didn't want to interfere or irritate him, so she changed the subject.

"All quiet tonight" She said, looking out of the car window into the empty street

"Yeah" Des replied, looking out of his window

Sheelagh sighed, her warm breath steamed up part of her window, Des looked across at her, it was the kind of sigh you let out when you had the weight of the world on your shoulders and you just needed a rest.


	2. Chapter 2

"You OK sarge?" He asked

Sheelagh looked at him

"Yeah, thanks Des, I'm fine. Just the prospect of going home to an empty house I think" She laughed weakly

"Why is it empty?" He said quietly, the worry creeping into his mind once more

"Patrick's at work and the kids are all out with friends, it's nearly Christmas so I said they were allowed to go to a few parties" She said sadly, affectionately remembering the times when she'd go home to a houseful of laughter and warmth, and be doted on hand and foot by her adoring children, who'd missed her terribly all day. But now it was different, it was 'Hi Mum! Bye Mum!' kind of relationship and she was beginning to feel unnecessary.

"Oh" He replied quietly, not really knowing what to say.

Sheelagh looked at her watch

"Come on then, lets go back to the station, we're all done for another day" She smiled

Des was quietly pleased, if the shift was over then there was no danger of his dream turning into reality, well, not this time at least.

They drove back to the station in silence, it was driving Sheelagh mad. She had to do something.

"Des?" She asked quietly

"Yeah?" He replied, looking into her eyes for a moment before glancing away

"Come home with me" As soon as she'd said it she realised how terrible it sounded

"Sorry?" Des asked, looking rather flustered

"Well, I could use the company, and it seems a shame to cook dinner just for me" She smiled

"Oh right, well, yeah OK" He'd been wanting her for so long but lately he'd cast his feelings for her aside more or less as he'd found himself consumed by fear for her safety. Time and time again he told himself they were nothing more than dreams, but they still struck terror in him.

"Great, well I'll go and get changed and I'll meet you outside my office" She smiled triumphantly to herself, determined that by the end of the evening she'd have found out what was on his mind

She hurried to get ready and smiled happily to see him already there, waiting for her.

"OK?" She asked

"Yeah. You?" He replied

"Great thanks" She said happily as they walked towards Des's car

He unlocked the door and she got in, the key turned in the ignition and the sudden noise from the radio made her jump. He reached forward and turned it down

"Sorry, guess I'm not used to having passengers" He said nervously

"It's OK" She smiled gently

They drove the rest of the way to her house in silence, the quiet hum of the radio made it bearable for them both.


	3. Chapter 3

They walked to the front door and Sheelagh fumbled around in her handbag for her keys, eventually she found them and turned the key in the lock, opened the door and wandered in, turning on the lights as she went.

"Well, this is it" She said at last

"Very nice" Des replied, carefully masking the bitterness in his voice

"Go and take a seat in the lounge, I'll make you a drink and get the dinner on and I'll be through in a minute. Make yourself at home!" She said ushering him into the living room with a gentle push

Des walked into to the immaculately tidy room, how could he make himself at home when he was surrounded by photographs of the 'happy family', every picture he saw of Patrick and Sheelagh together made him angry and his heart ache, so he reached for the remote from the coffee table and turned on the television

It wasn't long before Sheelagh came and sat beside him, passing him a cup of coffee and smiling.

"Dinner's on, it should be about 45 minutes" She said as she took a sip of her hot chocolate

"Great, what are we having?" He asked curiously

"Wait and see!" she said with a cheeky smile

They sat together in silence watching the TV, until eventually Sheelagh got up and went back to the kitchen. She set the dining table and poured two glasses of wine, then carried the food through.

She walked into the lounge and smiled to herself, Des was sat on the sofa half asleep. She wandered quietly over to him, fighting the urge inside herself to sit down beside him and curl up under his arm, she leant forward and whispered in his ear

"Des? Dinner's ready"

"Umm? OK" He murmured, rubbing his eyes

She took his hand and led him into the dining room. Des's eyes widened as he saw all the effort that she'd gone to, he sat down opposite her and they smiled across the table

"You didn't have to go to all this trouble you know" Des said, feeling rather guilty

"I know" She smiled

For all they ate the rest of their meal in silence, their eyes kept meeting accidentally and they'd look away, it was a conversation in itself.

Sheelagh cleared the crockery, Des offered to help her but she refused to let him.

"Des, you can bring the wine and glasses through into the lounge if you still want to help, we can have dessert in there" She called from the kitchen

"OK" He replied

They sat together on the sofa, Sheelagh brought her knees up under herself and twisted herself round to face Des. She passed him a plate of tiramisu and smiled.


	4. Chapter 4

"You're a fantastic cook" He said with a smile

"Actually, I bought this" She replied, blushing slightly

"Not just this, the whole meal, it was fantastic" He said, taking a mouthful of food.

"Thanks" She smiled, noticing he had some cream on his chin. She smiled

"What?" He asked, wondering why she was smiling at him like that

"Nothing" She said as she leant forward, putting her hand gently onto his cheek and wiping away the stray dessert with her thumb, before smiling angelically and eating it

Des found himself rendered helpless, he couldn't move, he couldn't talk. He stared at her adoringly, feeling an uncontrollable desire to kiss her, to tell her she was the only woman he could ever want, but he couldn't.

Sheelagh could see the look in his eyes, she was more surprised by him not making a move. Rather than do something she might regret in the morning, she shuffled along the sofa and rested her head against his chest. He put his arms around her and held her there.

"Thanks for coming, Des" She whispered

"Thanks for inviting me" He said, his voice muffled as his face was buried gently into her hair.

She sat back up, looking him in the eye

"What's been up with you lately anyway?" She asked curiously

"What do you mean? He replied

"You've just been so quiet, and...I'm just worried about you, that's all" She said, trying to look into his eyes but finding it too hard

"I've just not been getting very much sleep lately that's all" He said, it wasn't a lie, it was just being economical with the truth

"Why?" Sheelagh wasn't prepared to give up that easily

"Bad dreams" He sighed

"What about?" She asked, she couldn't believe that a dream would scare Des Taviner!

"You" He murmured, looking away from her

Sheelagh's heart jumped

"What about me?" She found herself asking

"It's the same dream every night, we answer a shout in a multi-storey car park, you say we should split up and look around, and I try to argue but you won't let me and then someone shoots you" He replied honestly

"It's only a dream, Des" She said sympathetically

"It's more than that, Shee. Every night I go to sleep and I lose you, I couldn't face waking up and losing you too" He said quietly

Sheelagh sighed, and put her arms around him.

"And this is what's been bothering you all these weeks?" She whispered in his ear

"Yeah, I'm so worried something's going to happen to you, that's why I've made you turn down so many shouts" He said as he buried his face in her neck

Sheelagh pulled back again, she stared deep into his eyes for a moment

"I don't know what to say" She whispered

"Sorry" He replied

"Don't be sorry" She said quietly as she leant in and kissed him gently on lips

She looked at him for reassurance, just to make sure she wasn't making a mistake. Des smiled at her, and leant forward to kiss her again. For all he knew a moment as magical as this should momentarily ease his concerns, it didn't, it just seemed to compound them. Now he knew Sheelagh felt something for him, he knew it wasn't just in his head.

"I suppose I should go" He said reluctantly

He didn't want to but he knew it was the right thing to do, he stood up and offered Sheelagh his hands, she reached out and took hold and he pulled her to her feet. They walked to the front door

"Thanks for a lovely evening, Des" She smiled shyly

"Thank you, dinner was fantastic, it's been so long since I had a proper home cooked meal I'd forgotten how good they are!" He beamed

"It was nothing, really, but you know, next time I've got the house to myself you're welcome to come and keep me company" She blushed

"Night" He said as he wrapped his arms around her once more, pulling her in for a final kiss

The gentle lingering kiss was finally broken by the phone ringing, Sheelagh had no intention of answering it

"Night Des" She said with a kind smile

"Night" He said as he ran his fingers through her hair once more

"Don't worry, I think you've got something a bit better to dream about to tonight" She grinned, giving him a cheeky wink

"Mmm, I think you're right" He leant forward and kissed her again before opening the door, taking her hand, and kissing it gently.

"Drive carefully" She said quietly

Des nodded and smiled as he walked to his car, Sheelagh stood on her doorstep watching him go. She sighed to herself and went back inside, closing the door behind her. She was exhausted but she knew she couldn't leave the pots out or it would be blatantly obvious to Patrick and the kids that she'd had company.


	5. Chapter 5

Wearily she washed up and climbed the stairs to bed.

As she lay there in the darkness of the room she couldn't help smiling to herself. It hurt her to think that what she was doing was wrong and that it could hurt the people she loved, how could something so beautiful hurt anyone? She fell asleep, her mind full of Des, all she dreamed of that night was him.

"Wake up" Came a voice

"Des?" She asked blearily, blinking until her eyes managed to focus, and to her horror, saw Patrick sat on the side of the bed

"Sorry?" He asked, not entirely sure of what she'd said

"I said, Yes" She did her best to hide her mistake, hoping beyond hope that Patrick hadn't heard her first answer

"It's time for you to get up, love" He smiled

"Thanks" She replied, sitting up and avoiding the obligatory good morning kiss

She hurriedly got ready and wished her husband goodbye

"Are you not having any breakfast?" He asked, sounding rather concerned

"No I don't have time, I'll get it in the station" She lied as she shot out the door

Her walk to the station was cut short by a car pulling up alongside her as she left her street. She opened the door and got in

"Good morning" Smiled Des

"Hi, this is an unexpected pleasure" She grinned

"Mmm" He murmured as he leaned over and kissed her

They drove the rest of the way to work with Sheelagh's hand resting affectionately on Des's knee. He dropped her off just before they reached the yard and she walked in on her own


	6. Chapter 6

He dropped her off just before they reached the yard and she walked in on her own

Des was perkier in the briefing that morning, but Sheelagh still made sure he was paired with her. She found it strange that even Reg didn't know what had been bothering him.

"Come on then" She smiled, walking towards the door

"Yes boss" He grinned walking after her

They got into the area car and looked at each other

"So, how were the dreams last night?" She asked after a moment's silence

"I still had it" He sighed, looking away

"I wonder what it means" Sheelagh said as she looked him

Des said nothing and started the car, and they drove away in silence.

The morning went by slowly and quietly and by lunchtime Sheelagh was relieved that she could get back to the station and have a conversation with someone, anyone!

Des pulled the car over and stopped, he looked across at her

"Do you want to go somewhere for lunch?" He asked eventually

"Like where?" She asked, slightly annoyed that he'd not spoken all morning

"My place?" He said

"Des, I...I don't know if that's such a good idea" She said quietly

"Why not?" He replied, looked quiet hurt

"Do you think it is?" She asked, trying not to upset him

"I don't see why it isn't" He replied curtly

"OK then, lets go" She said, feeling quite exasperated

The drove the rest of the way in silence. They soon arrived at Des's house, he opened the door and let her in, he felt a bit ashamed of his humble lodgings having seen Sheelagh's house, there was no way his was as tidy and well kept. She walked into the lounge and sat down

"Tea?" He asked, trying his best to be a good host

"Yes please" She smiled weakly

Des wandered off to the kitchen and Sheelagh sat there looking at her surroundings, there were no photos, the only thing that illustrated the fact it was Des's house were the empty lager cans and boxes of half eaten takeaway.

He soon arrived back with two mugs, he handed her one and sat down on the sofa beside her.

"Sorry it's not up to much, I don't normally have company" He said nervously

"It's OK" She smiled, searching for a space between the mess on his coffee table where she could put her cup, having eventually found one, she turned to face him.

"Sorry Shee" He said quietly

"Don't be sorry, it's alright" She replied, taking his hand

"I feel like I'm overreacting that's all" He whispered as he wrapped his arms around her

Sheelagh smiled to herself, two months ago she wouldn't have believed that Des could have a sensitive side but here she was being proved wrong and she loved every moment of it. She snuggled in closer to Des, he leant back against the arm of the sofa and she brought her feet up and laid down beside him, her head resting gently on his chest. He kissed the top of her head began to stroke her hair. Des dozed off, and Sheelagh wasn't far behind.

Des found himself back in the car park, in the dark, and the gunshot, and the footsteps, he yelled out Sheelagh's name only to open his eyes and see her staring at him

"It's really that bad?" She asked, looking very concerned

"Yeah, it is" He replied, trying to hide the fear in his voice

"I'm sorry, Des" She whispered quietly

"It's not your fault" He said as he ran his fingers down the side of her face

She rested her chin on his chest and looked into his eyes, and then leaned in to kiss him. As they broke away, Sheelagh cast him a knowing smile.

"Come on, we'd better get back out to work" She sighed reluctantly

"But we've not had any lunch" He protested

"Well we'll just have to pick something up while we're on patrol won't we?!" She grinned, batting him playfully

She stood up, straightened out her clothes and they walked back out to the car together.


	7. Chapter 7

Sheelagh sat in the area car while Des went to get some fish and chips. The streets were quiet and it was coming dark, the amber haze of the streetlights gently illuminated the first snowfall of the year. Sheelagh smiled to herself, there was something almost magical about snow, how something so pure could come from a world so hell-bent on self destruction. She watched as a woman stood holding the hands of her enthralled children as they watched the snow come down. The two little girls stood in awe, their faces aglow and their eyes sparkling made Sheelagh almost sad that she had no young children. She regarded herself to be too old to want more kids, besides her career was her priority now, she'd made her decisions and she was going to live with them.

She hadn't even noticed Des walking back to the car, he knocked on the window

"Wake up!" His muffled voice came through the glass

"Sorry!" She smiled, reaching across to unlock the door

"They had no fish" He grinned cheekily

She looked curiously at him

"So I thought you'd like a large sausage" He winked

"DES! You're terrible!" She laughed

He smiled and handed her her belated lunch. They sat in silence, which was occasionally interrupted by Sheelagh's hysterical giggling as she tried to eat the sausage.

"Kids at home tonight?" Des asked

"Declan is, Siobahn and Conor are out again" She paused for a moment "Patrick's at work" She said shyly

"Fancy coming over to mine?"

"I'll have to go home and make Declan some dinner first, you know what men are like, can't look after themselves!" She smirked

"That's what women are for! He grinned as she slapped his knee

By the time the shift was over, Sheelagh was exhausted and not entirely sure she could cope with a late night. Rather than disappoint Des, she hurried home and made Declan's dinner.

"I'm going to leave you if that's OK?" She said softly

"Yeah, no problem. Where are you going?" He asked curiously

"Out with some people from work, I'll stay over at one of their houses instead of trying to get back tonight" She said, surprised at her capacity to lie and how ambitious she was being with her evenings expectations.

"OK" Declan smiled, kissing her on the cheek "Take care"

"You too darling" She smiled as she put her coat on.

In no time at all she was out of the door and off down the street. She walked briskly, the snow was getting on for a couple of inches deep, it was hardly the weather for a leisurely stroll. She soon arrived a Des's house, she knocked on the door and soon enough it opened, Sheelagh's face lit up, the lethargy she'd felt earlier had gone and she gazed expectantly into his eyes.

"Didn't think you were coming" He said, sounding hurt

"I came as fast as I could" She smiled, walking past him and into the lounge, taking of her gloves and scarf, then her coat and went to sit down.

"Don't stop there" Said Des, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close for a kiss.

He pulled back for a moment

"Your nose is freezing" He whispered, kissing it gently

"Not just my nose that's cold" She beamed

"Well we'd better get you warmed up then" He smiled, he was overwhelmed by how nervous he was feeling. He gently took her hand and led her through to his bedroom.


	8. Chapter 8

Des woke first the next morning, the alarm wouldn't go off for another half hour, he looked over at Sheelagh, she looked so content and peaceful as she slept, so as quietly as he could, he climbed out of bed and went to make her breakfast.

It wasn't long after he'd gone that she woke up to find herself alone in a strange bed. She rolled over and buried her face in Des's pillow and smiled happily.

"Morning" He smiled as he poked his head around the door.

"Morning" She replied happily.

"Breakfast, m'lady" He said as he handed her two slices of toast and jam.

"Aww, thanks Des" She said as she took the plate and cup of tea from him.

"How're you feeling?" He asked as he sat down on the side of the bed

"Tired" She grinned "But otherwise very good"

"Funny that, because I feel tired too" He laughed "I don't want to go to work though, I'd rather stay in bed with my favourite serge" Sheelagh smiled

Sheelagh smiled

"I don't want to go either but I need the rest!" She said reluctantly

She ate her breakfast quietly, Des sat watching her, a gentle smile occasionally crossing his lips. Sheelagh looked at him over her cup of tea and caught him looking.

"What?" She smirked

"Nothing" He laughed

"Tell me" She said, give him a gentle shove

"Just thinking how beautiful you look in my bedroom! He replied, looking slightly embarrassed.

Sheelagh blushed, it was a strange kind of compliment, but a good one.

"Can I get a shower?" She asked

"Sure, do you need any help?" He grinned

"No thanks, I'm sure I can manage" She chuckled

"Shame" He replied

She got out of b ed and wandered to the bathroom, her head so full of thoughts, how could she ever look Patrick in the eye again? She'd never been unfaithful in the past, so why start now? It was completely inexplicable but whatever it was she was feeling was unlike anything she'd ever known, it was so strong and impulsive, so right but so wrong. She couldn't understand how she lasted 20 some years with Patrick when she'd never felt this alive. She knew she'd betrayed him, and the kids, and she watched in the mirror as her reflection shed a solitary tear.

She wanted to know how long this would go on, how long she'd have to pretend to be happy in a relationship, that although secure, wasn't what she knew in her heart to be right.

Des sat on the bed drinking his tea, it was the first night in so long that he'd not had that dream, somehow having Sheelagh there in his arms, so warm and peaceful, reassured his troubled mind. He knew it was impossible to have her there every night but he wished he could, he longed for the day he could guarantee she'd be lying there in his arms when he opened his eyes. If only.

Sheelagh turned on the cold tap and splashed water over her face, hoping it would make her see sense, but instead it just made her cold and got in her eyes. She too wished that she could wake up in Des's arms each day, but it was a long time since she'd followed her heart, she was so used to trying to keep everyone else happy that it had just become second nature to her.

Des finished his tea and realised he hadn't heard the shower come on, he knew he was paranoid but he couldn't help it, so he got to his feet and peered around the bathroom door. Sheelagh was leaning against the sink with her head in her hands, she hadn't noticed him come in, and just continued to sob quietly to herself, a war of her emotions raging inside her.


End file.
